Healthy Parents Needed …Openings Immediately !!

If you found a job opening presented this way, would you ever sign up for this ???
______________________
PARENT – Job Description

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama , Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! YOU pay THEM! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do…or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE, THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!! **

Baby #2, seriously?

Few days ago, a friend of mine asked me if I and Vi were planning about Baby #2, seriously???, lets just say he is not yet married and have no kids so we can just forgive his ignorance. We are barely just got this one figured out…I believe in planning but, but good GOD !!! This makes me think there are actually people in this world who love being pregnant and giving birth SO MUCH that they just can’t wait to do it again, like staying on a carnival ride for one more turn while people around you are yelling “once more” Really are you Kidding me !!!

But again there are few people in this world who would really like us to take this ride one more time as soon as possible..

Needless to say we are not planning for Baby #2 just yet. Let us get our balance after this turn on the ride first, and then we can talk. Preferably over a coffee…

A “Tough” Day at Parenting

It is not that we didn’t appreciate our parents enough, we love them nearly and nearly but the sense of appreciation grows with every sleepless nights we spend with Neev. In our case its mostly Vi (“The Mommy”) who is awake to take care of the little night watchman. So “Mr. Internet”, go hug your mom right away. If she’s not nearby, grab the nearest lady to you who looks like she might be a mom, and give her one of those pick-you-up-off-the-floor bear hugs. I don’t care if you know her or not, do it. And do it now. Because chances are, at one point or maybe many points, she’s had a day like we’ve had today. And a hug helps. So does a bouquet of flowers. And, some chocolate.

God …Oh….God !!!

Anyone who dares to say being a stay at home mom isn’t a job should be immediately castrated. It is incredibly hard work. Possibly the hardest, beyond like, conducting a brain surgery or delivering one of those Optus D1 geosynchronous (GEO) communications satellite in the space or for that matter saving the troubled global economy right now. Neev was just…inconsolable today, almost the entire day, and we are just exhausted. We really are !! Vi has learned his cries at this point and have them down to a pitch/frequency/amplitude and resonance (for those overly-occupied who didn’t pay enough attention in school these are terms related to science). But knowing which cry it is doesn’t mean we can stop it. Man did we try. What keeps us from walking away for a few minutes or letting him cry it out in his crib is that as frustrated as weare, We know Neev is just as frustrated if not more, and he truly makes the saddest face in the entire world. His bottom lip quivers, his eyebrows furrow like “why me!?” and he just…cries. So hard that his face gets beet red and there’s no sound between the gasps of air. You know that cry? It’s heart-breaking. We can’t just let him keep making that face, well I can for a little bit but not dear mommy… So she bounce and walk laps around our home, she sing and pull out every trick in the book until something, anything works.

After the worst parts of today, between all the screaming, sad faces and restless naps, we finally got Neev to fall asleep for a little while and started thinking of all our favorite things about him, like the way he folds his hands in his lap while we feed him, or his hot little yawns in our face. They worked wonder.

As hard as today was we know that this newborn phase is temporary, so we try to let days like today roll off our back. I also know that eventually the days will become much more manageable. In the meantime, we have hugs, and we have wine. And all those hot little yawns.

How is parenting Life Treating you ??

Its now almost a ritual for friends and co-workers to check on the parenting life treating us. In simple words Parenthood has no sense of predictability or rationale, sooner you accepts this, better it is for you. Parenthood is incredible, hard, lovely, and totally overwhelming. I liked to plan things out but for now we are slowly dealing with our plan-less plan for what we should be doing with Neev. No book, or friend, or family member, or nurse, or weekly email will tell me how to calm him down or why we can’t get that burp bubble out or what he wants because every baby is unique and something which applies to one might have almost no relevance to other. So the plan is to go with the flow, and slowly crack the code “Neev”. Every night we still get nervous as we get ready for sleep, not knowing when the little chunky-munkey is going to wake up. But it’s getting better. Or, rather, we’re getting used to living our life a little differently. And every time Neev smiles at me or even just focuses on our faces, we feel like world is whole lot better !!!.

Everybody tells you that parenting teaches you a lot and we have our share of lesson the one I learned very recently is an important one “The people who love you the most will inevitably, at some point in your life, shit and piss on you. I’m speaking literally here…by the soft glow of a night light…with a smile on their face. And I’m not talking about Vi”

Here’s the thing, though: it might seem dumb to try to cling on to our former lives, obviously we have to make adjustments, but I don’t think parenthood should bring everything to a screeching halt. Having living this for almost 3 months now I don’t think we could stop it even if we tried. More and more we are finding opportunities to head out, like caged wild animals, Neev in his car seat, bracing for whatever might happen to happen. Life goes on, babies cry and bangs get cut. We’ll get the hang of it sooner or later.

Vi Eligible for NASCAR

As you all know, I work for a company which provides an important component for NASCAR. I follow the races very closely, for obvious reason . I am most fascinated by the act of pit crews who need to change tires, put oil and gas and adjust structure with in 12-14 seconds. They are like a bunch of robots with every move fast and predictable to utmost precision. Put that in context and now watch Vi, she is none less than any of the pit crews the only difference is that she is taking care of a living and breathing baby unlike a car like them.

Deep in the night when the little monkey start rumbling for his next pit stop (I am sorry for his next feeding) from his bed. Momy’s hormones kicks and adrenaline rushes. He’s on his way to waking up and will be ready to eat. it’s a matter of seconds before he breaks out a squeal that can make anybody’s stomach turn. But before that happens Vi acts with a lightening speed..

Step 1: Go downstairs and warm the water.
Step 2: Add formula in the warm water.
Step 3: Add rice cereals in the milk.
Step 4: Take the bottle upstairs

Step 5: Go to bathroom.

Step 6: Prepare the changing area

Step 7: Get diaper and wipes out .
Step 8: Get Neev out of his crib and put him down for a diaper change.
Step 9:.Unhook 100 buttons to finally reveal his diaper, then change it.

Step 10: Clean and change the diaper

Step 11: Snap the 100 buttons (Little monster is on the verge of a meltdown at this point.)
Step 12: Throw the dirty diaper in the disposal

Step 13: Arrange the boppy pillow and put him for feeding

Step 14: Pick up bottle and insert into his mouth.
Sigh. Success. Only a little crying spells she wins again!

I am not at all wrong in comparing her to the pit crews, perhaps she can work for NASCAR once Neev is all grown up !!

I came across these lines in a book and found it really interesting ..

Men may work from Sun to Sun…But Women’s work is never done

Here is what The Econmist has to say about this

…..Throughout the world, men spend more time on market work, while women spend more time on homework. In the United States and other rich countries, men average 5.2 hours of market work a day and 2.7 hours of homework each day, while women average 3.4 hours of market work and 4.5 hours of homework per day. Adding these up, men work an average of 7.9 hours per day, while women work an average of—drum roll, please—7.9 hours per day. This is the first major finding of the new study. Whatever you may have heard on The View, when these economists accounted for market work and homework, men and women spent about the same amount of time each day working. The averages sound low because they include weekends and are based on a sample of adults that included stay-at-home parents as well as working ones, and other adults.

Does this prove that feminists are wrong to say that women are oppressed by housework? Not necessarily. If men get to have high-powered jobs that women don’t have time for because they’re too busy scrubbing out the soap scum in the bathroom, this seems like it’s still a problem. Moreover, one wonders if there are differences in the way that men and women describe, say, child care: do men regard taking the children to the movies as “babysitting” work, while women regard it as leisure? Still the results can’t automatically be dismissed, and they are surprising even if not as strong as they first appear.

Whoever says whatever ..God Bless My wife Vi’s heart, she works tireless all day with no complains at all. Now you guys know I can be a mess and with a little one on top on that (who is even messier) ..that is hard..that is some real goddamn work !!

Meet Our New Friend

This post is pretty self-explanatory, but for the slow ones please refer to my post of bubble’s sleeping problems !!

“Sleeping Crisis” or the “Crisis Who Won’t Sleep”

Out little monster is having some serious sleeping issues. He is hardly sleeping 10 hours, but according to books he should be sleeping 16 hours. He is such a restless fellow in sleep and even when awake. Whoever comes to see him notices this in few minutes. His unusual sleeping habits are taking toll on our sleeps. Its going to be worst when the vacations are over and I have to go back to work. A word of advice for all you “wanna-be-parents”, the theory that sleep when your baby sleep is a bunch of bull…it is so far from reality that its not even funny. If we were to sleep when baby is sleeping when would we do things which are necessary for us to survive like cook, eat, pee, poop, laundry, socialize and what not !! Above all aren’t we suppose to keep an eye on the dude himself so that he doesn’t end up having his cap on his nose !! For all I know every time somebody is going to use the phrase “slept like a baby” is going to get a deep look from me that’s the biggest oxymoron on the face of the earth. We are planning to check with doctor on what we should do. For now we have questions as to “ Is it okay for the kid to sleep in the cradle as that seem to be only friend we got right now ??”, “ Is it okay to let the baby cry for sometime even though you have to put a 100 ton stone on your heart ??”

I and my dear son have been in situation where the dude has been up for 6 hours with periphery of the eyes being completely pink indicating the desperate need of some sleep. The monster completely discard the suggestion from his body and rather is interested in play “Who Will Sleep First” with no intention of loosing. As the clock is ticking eventually somebody goes to sleep and most times that is ME. Many people have given us ideas on taking him on a ride or putting him on a running drier but we haven’t yet tried any of them. I and Vi already had our fair share of discssion on these topics and we have tried letting him cry it out but it ha not worked so far !!

But for now we both just dream of the days when we hardly even have to rock him help you fall asleep. The day when we will lay him in the crib and he will grab his blanket and snuggle right into it. Dreams does come true !!

The Poop Dilemma

Little monkey is pooping regularly now, I guess it was the Lipil which was making him “no go”. The boy would sit there and make all kind of face but poop would not pass. However, with the Prosobee formula he pooping like there is no tomorrow. I am kidding it was bad earlier but now its getting better he poops around 4-5 times a day and averages around 6-7 pees a day. It does makes me happy and relieved just knowing that his system is in check. Its funny we kept a poop/pee/feeding log in the beginning and showed it to the doctor. We are not keeping log any more. Peculiar thing about the poop is that he creates a lot of fuss while having one, While applying pressure he is really fussy. I guess he doesn’t like the feeling of being muddy down there. Unlike poop, pee doesn’t provide the same rush. However, on two occasions he caught us unguarded and pooped right one me during diaper change. I was actually proud as if its medal of honor. 

A picture Worth Thousand Words

I knew Chinese are/were very smart ….see the Chinese proverb in action !!